Why women can't have it all

Courtesy of AMC

My friend said something interesting recently. She had just finished a year-long internship at a company in Singapore and was visiting for the summer. When we got to the subject of gap years, she told me, "I don't have time for that. If I want to settle down by the time I'm 30, I have to start building my career now."


Until then I had never really thought about it that way. But she's right. If a woman wants to eventually start a family, she can't waste precious time figuring out what she wants to do. Because as much as feminists argue that women can have it all, the reality is that we can't.

Men and women have equal rights but we're not all created equally. It's easier for men to conceive past 35 than a woman. And the act of carrying and raising a child can slow a career down.

Once you become a mother, your priorities change. Your career goes on the backburner while your children become the primary focus. While I'm not saying that women can't juggle a job and raising a family- because, let's face it: mothers have accomplished extraordinary things in the workforce- we have to make a choice: Do I want to get an A+ at work or in motherhood?

My mom worked until I was two. The turning point was when a babysitter came to watch me and I began crying hysterically. By then I was old enough to know the routine and did not want my mom to leave again. Upset by my reaction, she paid the babysitter for the next two weeks and let her go. When my sister and I were a little older, she worked as a real estate broker, but that didn't work out either. She didn't want to be away from us for too long and eventually quit.

My mom's conclusion was that you can try to work and raise your kids simultaneously, but it's difficult. So she chose to take care of us full-time. That's why it bothers me when some feminists insist that all women should be striving for a career, because one size does not fit all. Feminism is about having a choice. And the fact that my mom chose to be a wife and mother does not make her any less of an accomplished woman. On the contrary, motherhood is a bonafide job.

When journalist and former First Lady of California, Maria Shriver appeared on Oprah in 2004, she said: 

How do we get women to stop saying, "I'm just a mother"? Or, "I used to be such and such, but now I'm just a mother." We need to market motherhood. So I came up with a saying: "Motherhood: 24/7 on the frontlines of humanity. Are you man enough to try it?" 

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I have respect for both working moms and those who stay at home. Even if not all women choose to work and raise a family at the same time, we are so fortunate to have the opportunity to do so if we wished. Except for us, we're under a bit more time pressure.