Um, I just read 50 Shades of Grey

I know, I know, for an English Literature minor like myself, reading this would be considered sacrilege. But the reality is that not all English Lit. students read Tolstoy in their free time. Or at least they don't all brag about it.

I was curious about what all the buzz was about and decided to give it a go. I'm thanking God I read it on my Nook because it's pretty kinky. It's about senior college student, Anastasia Steele and her sexual affair with the rich and powerful Christian Grey after interviewing him for her school newspaper. Virginal Ana is quickly exposed to Christian's S&M lifestyle and is pushed (sorry for the innuendo) beyond her boundaries. She soon finds herself hopelessly in love with a man incapable of it. For those of you who aren't familiar with S&M, here's a tame example:

I'm going to be honest: The book isn't really well written. But that's not why you're here, is it? It's not supposed to be, but Fifty Shades is unintentionally hilarious. Ana talks about her "subconscious" and her "inner goddess" like they're two other characters in the room. For example: "Jeez, he looks so freaking hot. My subconscious is frantically fanning herself, and my inner goddess is swaying and writhing to some primal carnal rhythm. She's so ready." This constant talk of inner voices kept reminding me of Lizzie McGuire.

Author, E. L. James keeps us wondering for much of the book why Christian is such a "sex god" until Ana finally gets it out of him. Apparently one of his mother's friends seduced him when he was 15 years old. For the next six years, he was her "submissive". Oh, well that explains a lot. So it was a bit like Batman Begins, leading Christian to become the sex ninja that he is today.

Ana is your typical horror movie dumbass. There are plenty of warning signs telling her that she is in danger but she ignores all of them because she is delusional and naive. Even CHRISTIAN GREY HIMSELF tells her he's messed up and she goes out with him anyway. She's determined to "make love" with him when he clearly tells her (several times): "I'm not a hearts and flowers kind of guy." What is so startling about this narrative is that it is so common: Women think they can change men. Time and again, that theory is proven wrong.

For those of you who don't know, James has admitted that Fifty Shades started out as Twilight fan fiction. It's true both stories are very similar. That is, if you changed all the names, subtracted the supernatural and replaced abstinence with S&M. Like Twilight's Bella Swan, Ana is an awkward (but pretty) teenager in love with an older, richer and more domineering man. Perhaps James' use of the same formula is the key to her novel's worldwide success. Readers can live vicariously through a somewhat generic female heroine, engaging in a "fantasy" love affair.

With the massive success of James' Fifty Shades trilogy, it was only a matter of time before the movie rights were purchased. Can you imagine the amount of money that could be made off of that franchise? They could expand their merchandise to even their own line of sex toys.

I will write a post soon including every detail I can find about the movie. Until then, if you're too busy to read all 391 pages of Fifty Shades, I highly recommend the parody Fifty Shades of Grayish. It's hilarious, and a quick read too. Although it might be funnier if you have read the original, or are at least familiar with key passages.