How to say no with class

Courtesy of Columbia Tristar

I have some friends who are incapable of saying no. This is partly because they don't want to come off as "mean" or they want to avoid confrontation. I learned to get over these fears in the first grade when I stood up to a girl who used to boss me around. I have my grandma to thank for teaching me to be assertive, the greatest gift she could give me. As someone who's not afraid of playing bad cop, here's a few tips for turning someone down without coming off as a jerk. 


1. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

The first thing you have to understand is that being honest doesn't automatically mean you're being rude. It's all about your approach. If someone asks to borrow money that you don't have, you don't have to be self-righteous about it. Just smile and say you'll think about it, which brings me to my next point...

2. Say you'll "think about it."

If you're terrified of the word "no", a softer alternative is to say you'll consider it. This isn't a lie because technically you did think about it. For a minute. In any case if the person asks you again, tell them you can't. Never feel obligated to give an explanation. If they're not your boss/parents/spouse, it's none of their business.

3. Don't be overly apologetic.

One "sorry" will suffice. If you pepper the entire thing with apologies that gives the other person an incentive to be righteous. Eye contact is key because it shows you're confident and you mean business.  

4. If the person gets mad, that's their problem.

If you followed my advice and declined someone's request politely and they still get mad, get over it. There are going to be a million invitations, requests and favors that you won't be able to say yes to. Otherwise that would be PSYCHOTIC. 

5. At the club, a shake of the head will do.

If some drunken excuse for a human being is trying to dance with you and you're not interested, just smile and shake your head. It's too loud to talk anyway. If someone still won't get the message, move away or better yet, get your big scary friend to cover you. Otherwise look them in the eye and firmly tell them "I said no."

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